The Husband

I will be very honest about how infertility affects a marriage. It actually does strain a marriage because in reality you’re both disappointed, angry, upset, and hopeless but at the same time need to be there for each other. I think the worst part is that my husband doesn’t show as much emotion over this situation compared to myself. It took a long while to realize that he is feeling just as bad but on the inside. I am blessed with a husband that loves me unconditionally and puts up with my moods relating to infertility. BUT, I need to return the favor to him and let him talk about his feelings or at least let him know he can. He is normally the strong one for me.

I first noticed the strain when we were not being as communicative towards each other. I’ll tell you what, Robert and I do not hold back on what we say rather it’s being pissed off or if something very personal. After a while, I found myself personally being angry more often than not. And who would I take it out on? Of course it would be Robert. He took it like a champ. Not saying that he is an angel but to deal with a woman that is up and down emotionally over so much that takes a lot out of you. I also got to a point of not wanting to be touched.

 Finally, I realized I was being a jerk and lashing out at the one person I know is experiencing the same feelings as myself. Communication has always been our strong suit and I had blocked him out.  I brought it up to him about how I had been treating him and some others around me and told him how I was feeling. Right at that moment, the strain was lifting. He said he knew I would talk to him at some point and he understands how difficult this all is, because he feels it too. My main thoughts about this conversation is that I am not the only one with a struggle here. He is too and it is not fair to think it is worse on me only because I show it compared to a man that keeps it all inside. So, the moral of this post would be that infertility isn’t just hard for the body, one person or one heart, but on a marriage as well. It makes sense that it would be because you both want something so bad and get caught up in your own heartbreak that you forget about the other. The blessing with Robert and I, we don’t blame each other for not having a child. There are just times we need to not shut each other out.