Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Clothes

So, this past Sunday was my niece's 6th birthday party. I thought what better gift to get her than a pretty dress because this girl thinks shes a princess. :) We had already ran some errands and our last two stops was to get her a dress at Younkers and then stop and pick her cake up from Hy-vee. All this for my niece. I couldn't help but dream that it was for my little one!

Anyways, we are walking around Younkers and pass the itty bitty baby clothes. I grabbed one and just held it looking at it. I told Robert ohh I want a baby of my own soooo bad. I started to look through the baby clothes just thinking one day it will be for real. We finally make it to the dresses and go ahead and find a dress I know Loralyn will absolutely love. What princess doesn't love dresses! We make our way to the store for her cake. I just look at it and smile. Of course she picked frozen.

Unfortunately, her parents were going to be late to the party for an unforeseen situation. That means we are in charge. So, Grandma decides we are going to give her the presents EARLY! Man was she estatic. I couldn't wait to see her face when she opened up that dress. She loved it so much. The feel, the look, and the fact that she could put it on RIGHT NOW.

So to the point of this, I loved being able to help out with the party in a way that I know would be like throwing a party for my own child. I loved her face when she opened that dress. I loved the fact we helped make her birthday special even if things had come up. I loved looking at the baby clothes. I do have to ask though.... What if I bought a cute little baby outfit without even being pregnant? Does that show hope? Does it lead to disappointment? Or does it mean that I know in my heart one way or another, I will have a child? Maybe in the end, I can put that little outfit on my own baby and be so happy that I had bought it either way.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

The Child Free Life Option


This is a controversial subject for sure. I’ll start with that my anxiety and insomnia has worsened in the past weeks. I am not sure if it is part of the clomid or just the stress of trying to make choices regarding our infertility options. Then add on daily life in general and boom, the brain won’t stop. Well, what I am about to bring up is not something that has really been discusses but when you think of options, this is one of them. A child free life.

I have been reading about infertility for a while now and I have seen this option pointed out but never really thought about it. Because, as usual, I have the no way am I not going to have a child mindset. So, lets list out some benefits of the child free life.

  • Traveling and seeing the world
  • Spending is less restrictive
  • Career Changes
  • Back to school
  • Spontaneous activities
  • Moving to a new location
  • None of the stresses that parenting can cause
  • And more

I will say that I do want to travel, take classes, maybe a career change, and even just the fact I am so in love with my husband that having him to myself is always awesome. This decision would be a huge one and there are quite the negatives as well. Which we all know what they would be because they are pretty straight forward. Carrying a child, giving birth, watching them grow, and so forth. I know we both have to keep in mind all the options available and the ones that aren’t possible as well. Currently, a child free life is not something that we want. But, we also are still at the beginning of the options of actually having a child. There is still hope. Am I saying this is not something we will discuss if it comes down to it? No. Open-mindedness is something to consider always.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Facilities

If anyone has seen my recent experiences with my current facility, you will know I am frustrated, upset, angry, and disappointed. I have reached out on Facebook for suggestions on doctors and/or a different facility. I feel as if my infertility isn't important enough to keep up with the consistent tests needed and commitment with the current place I go to. I am not wanting to bash the place because I like my doctor and my normal family doctor is amazing. But, infertility is not a joke. It is not something that should be overlooked and then have a crappy apology and still not take the blame for the situation. I was so upset on Saturday when I was suppose to go in and have blood drawn to see if I ovulated. Well, low and behold the person did not put in the order for my blood draw. Robert definitely was not happy about the situation. Mind you, a year ago during our first round of clomid there was a lot of inconsistency with them scheduling our testing as well. You can imagine what he had to say and that he had a lot of thoughts on the situation.

I called first thing this morning and waited for the nurse to call back. I think what was the most upsetting part of this whole ordeal is to get the response of "for whatever reason you missed your labs," or "it is only to tell you if you ovulated so it is ok to skip beings we missed your window." WTF! I missed my labs because YOU did not schedule my work up 20 days ago when you said you were going to. And to get this straight, IT IS A BIG DEAL to Robert and I. Our health insurance does  not cover infertility so we pay out of pocket for the Clomid and anything related. So, no its not ok. It is far from ok. It drags me into a spiral of emotion. We pay for services that have just been so unorganized and finally, disappointing. I did not want to leave my doctor but upon further discussion, we feel if we want to be treated like we matter and possibly have a baby one day, we need to move on from our current facility. It is not something I want to be slacked on. I want consistency, caring, respect, and answers. A specialist may be where we head or to an OB/GYN unit that is more informed with our situation. I want our case to be treated like we deserve. How anyone who would expect to be treated.