And Acceptance

This is not a part of grief I have made it to yet. I REFUSE to accept that I will not have a child of my own. Granted, I have started to let it creep into my mind that it may not be possible but WE are not done fighting for a way for this to happen. There are many medical options that we have yet to try together and see if it is for us. Currently, as I stated before, we are back to clomid for one last try. Then we will go from there on to the more expensive and invasive procedures.

Why should we accept the fate before it has been tested on every level? I know that in the end if we do not have a biological child as we had planned, there are other options. Don’t get me wrong we do talk about foster care and adoption. We actually have our paper work filled out and trying to get ready to attend classes to be ready if this were to be our only option. When/if this is where we find ourselves with having a child, we will definitely love this child the same as if it were our biological child. We are just not ready for this step without going through all the options for our own. We may end up adopting either way because there are so many children out there that deserve a loving family.

Acceptance right now makes me think I am accepting defeat and I already currently feel broken enough. I know acceptance seems like a positive term but at this point, it is depressing. Infertility has turned into a vicious circle of emotions that at times I can’t seem to control. Maybe one day we will have a child or possibly have to learn to accept that we will not have our own together. This journey has been a test of patience, faith, hope, and love.
   In all honesty, does a person accept what has happened or are they forced to accept because you can not change what is.