This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine… Here we go. A long blog because at this very moment, this will be the last for a while. Because I have received what I have always dreamed of. A sweet baby, a sweet baby girl named Zoey Mae. I have been wondering where to start on this entry because there is so much to say. So where I am going to start is the fact that our miracle baby is my world. She has brightened our lives so MUCH! Rather me, daddy, or the aunts and grandpa/grandmas. We are blessed with the fact she is a wonderful baby as well. She already sleeps through the night and is very alert. We couldn’t ask for a better daughter.
When I went into labor, I had no idea what was happening because she’s my first. It was her aunt Jessica’s birthday and we were having dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Motley’s. I was feeling what I thought was “Poop pains.” LOL. I then was telling an old friend about it and she told me to start timing them. I set my timer and went to go use the restroom. The toilet was then covered with blood. Not your normal mucous plug blood. Gushing. I called up to the U and could barely talk because I was crying so much. Then we headed up. By time we go to the hospital my contractions were 3 mins apart. We got settled in and the doctors said we are going to check your cervix as well as make sure baby and me were ok. I was dilated to about 7 and a ½! They giggled and had said there was a bet going I wasn’t in labor. Well, I was in labor! Fast forward to an epidural at 8cm and pushing miss Zoey out. 18 pushes and she was out. Just over 6 hours of labor. 5lbs 15oz! Because I was 39 weeks 1 day, I was considered full term. So, when the pediatrician came in and let Robert and I know that they wanted to do a scan of her brain as well as a DNA work up, I cried. Thinking what is wrong with my beautiful baby. Thank God, both came back normal.
I went to the store with my mom and she said that it is still so weird to see me with a baby. I can’t help but agree that days I still find it different yet amazing that I can say this is my daughter, my world. She has already taught me so much in the past almost 3 months. Patience, even more of an unconditional love, as well as functioning with very little sleep! Zoey Mae is at the cooing part of life and smiling when she wants to, not just when she poops. All I do is smile at her. Grandpa’s have her spoiled with talking to her all the time when they are here. Her aunt Amy and Jess love to snuggle and love on her. We have an amazing God Mother we have chosen which we also consider an aunt, aunt Michelle. We also have so many that love her unconditionally and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The list can go on and on. Brett, Josh, Bryon, Mikala, Rachel, Richard, Ally and Lisa, Michelle M, hannah, Anne, family (all her cousins), so many more because the list would go on and on! This is just the small list of love my daughter is shown.
One very special person is Kaitlyn. When she comes home from college, a lot of her time is spent loving Zoey. Zoey absolutely loves when Kait sings to her. Kaitlyn has so much love for her family that it amazes me how much Zoey receives from her. And going off subject, Kaitlyn wishes to be like me when she grows up. I tell her she can do better! She is an amazing niece, daughter, granddaughter, and sister.
This brings me to family and regrets. I never share too much about my regrets when it comes to my father. I have finally forgiven the fact of my selfishness when he was dying. I made choices that I wish I hadn’t and should’ve spent more time with him. Having Zoey, I spend so much more time with my family and I do not take them for granted. Death happens. Everyone has their own experiences and heartbreaks when it comes to death. I have cried a few times over some current family “issues” as well as wishing my dad could meet my daughter. But, I will say that my step father is one hell of a grandpa to her. It isn’t blood that makes you family only, it is love and heart. Zoey LOVES grandpa Bruce so much. And he treats her no difference than any of his other grandchildren.
Being a parent is a challenge, because I know I am going to always worry. Always want to protect her from the pain of life. I wake up as any other mom or dad and check on her. Poke her to make her move and makes sure she is breathing. I go back to work in a week. I have mixed feelings because I want to go back for interaction yet thinking about leaving Zoey brings me to tears. Mother’s should get the first full year off paid but that is definitely not an option in this day and age at this point.
I do have to dedicate one paragraph to the most amazing man in my life. Robert Lee. I am truly blessed. He is an involved father. Gets up in the middle of the night to feed Zoey. He lets me go do things when I need the space from home and he also hasn’t said one word about my spending! His daughter has him wrapped around her finger already. She loves when he sings Night Moves to her as well as playing with her cheeks. The way he looks at her just makes me know that he will always be her protector. Funny thing is, I was told our marriage would change and we wouldn’t have time for each other as well as possibly argue a lot more. It hasn’t. If anything, we are even more intimate rather in the sheets or just our conversations. I am blessed when it comes to my marriage and family. We aren’t just a “show.” We are what you see.
I am thankful for all that has followed my blog. The support and love. But, I have expressed that many times. Who would have thought a year ago we were seeing doctors at the U and now have a beautiful little girl in our arms! I could continue to write all night about what motherhood has been so far but I will save that for another time. The next chapter of our life has begun, Miss Zoey Mae Motley. Thank you all for the love you have shown. And for those that have asked, we are not sure if we are going to try for baby Motley #2.