The Procedure Details (PG13)

Alright. Our first PROCEDURE IUI! Ahh! I can't even describe it completely and what I am feeling. Mainly excitement.

It started with a depressing negative after negative ovulation test. if you know anything about cycles, there are "normal" ovulation days. I was on day 18 yesterday when I got the positive which is somewhat later but clomid can have that affect. I ran out of the bathroom and showed Rob. Then I proceeded to yell! Followed by a massive amount of shaking and tears. Of happiness and anxiety. It was that relieving. And the amount of support has just been AMAZING. The ones that reach out have made this so much easier to go through.

On that note, we went to Iowa City this morning. We got there at 8:15a and the first step is getting Robert's boys ready. That is what took the longest. It took them 1 hour 45 mins to have them ready which was nerve racking for me and then ASAP they get me set up in a room and boom!IUI takes places. That simple! They did mention that his boys are above average and that helps the situation. Go Rob! I have to admit the procedure was uncomfortable and I had some pain. But it is worth it in the end if  this is what it takes to have a baby!

The hardest part I believe is going to be waiting for two weeks to see if my period comes or a positive pregnancy test. Tears of joy or tears of sadness. I am going to go with hope. Hope and happiness. Thank you all again for the prayers and positive vibes. Maybe a Christmas Miracle!?

Nerves... of (not) steel

Ok, writing has become my therapy. It has been helpful. I have become SO anxious over the last few days that the count down is on for our first IUI. It could happen as early as MONDAY! I have all day to sit at work and think about the procedure and outcomes. The positive, the negative. HOW to handle it all has been the challenge. I have been practicing other ways to handle my anxiety without my xanax. Beings I can't take it pregnant, best start now right?

I do breathing techniques through out the day. I write. I run when I feel like I need to burn some extra energy. Then I get to thinking about what if I get a positive pregnancy test soon? Will I have a panic attack? Will I be able to go 9 months without my medication? * I mean there is no choice in that * The headaches with clomid just suck ass. Tylenol/Ibuprofen piggy backed and then of course trying to relax some. Thank gawd today is the last dose for the month.

Then, I start thinking about all the people who deal with anxiety and have been pregnant. They have found a way through it and now have a child. I also start to think about all the support that I have had through this journey as of lately. I may not have you all to just message when I need to talk or hang out. But knowing that my story has been inspirational to others and also the words of support and love has been more than helpful. Robert has been nothing but supportive of helping me with my anxiety. He knows that if this does not work out with us being pregnant, that he will be my rock and hold me up when it gets too much to handle.

With that being said, lets get this party started. Again, thank you to all who have reached out, commented, read and prayed for the outcome we as well are hoping for. So much for nerves of steel huh? Ah, I feel a little bit better now.