Denial

As everyone knows, there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages aren't only related to death. For me, I have experienced it that way but I also relate to it when it comes to our battle with infertility.


This post will be more toward the denial aspect of grief. When we first decided to start for a baby, of course we thought it would be right away with no issues. As a few months passed, I started to feel nervous but would not let it cross my mind that we were not able to have a baby or that we were challenged. When it comes to denial, my husband probably experienced it more than I. Granted, he was trying to stay positive and to this day I believe he is still in denial of the fact we may never have our own child.


As for myself, my experience with denial was not even wanting to go to the doctor and be checked out or look at options out there. I think I was more scared than anything to find out it was me that was the problem in the baby making equation. How would I break it to my husband that he would not have his own child because of me? The denial was worse when the doctor appointments started. I still could not accept that we were one of the couples who fight infertility. At this point, Robert was still the positive note in my mind with all his encouraging efforts to keep me from falling apart. Little did he realize, I wasn't feeling much. I kept thinking, "No way we are going through this!" or "I refuse to think we are robbed of having a child." I never let it cross my mind that if I would have jumped on this sooner, we would maybe have had a head start in the right direction.


Now, I do not deny infertility. How can I? We still have no baby to prove that we are not a couple who fights the battle. As I said before, Robert still has that positive note of, "Oh it will happen." I can say if it wasn't for him, I would have been through the five stages a million times but having a significant other for support helps me through the stages. The next post, I will talk about stage two, Anger. Which there is STILL plenty of that!