Kaitlyn

To start, on to month two of clomid. I have faith. At least I want to. I have been doing my best lately to have only positive thoughts instead of always thinking the worst of this situation and so many other things going on in my life. But it can be so difficult. So, every day I am going to be writing down something positive for myself to try and rid myself of the negativity! It is not helpful for my mind or my body because it causes my anxiety to rise. Which then causes lack of sleep. My body needs to be healthy to hopefully carry a baby!

As some of you may know, my niece lives with Robert and I full time. She just turned 17. She has been with us since a couple months before she turned 16. Talk about timing! Man oh man does she challenge me daily and make me want to pull my hair out. I am sure many of you have experienced this with even your toddler or older child. There are times I wonder if God is waiting for her to be on her way to college and into the adult world before we get a positive pregnancy test. She would probably tell you I am grouchy or too expectant of her to be mature and get good grades. But isn’t that what a parent should want? Yes, I am her aunt but I treat her as I would if she were mine. There are days I feel like she is also preparing me for when my own child is that age specifically. I know I may yell or get pissy over small things, but isn’t that what happens sometimes? When she decides to not follow simple guidelines only because I worry? Or when I have had a long day and I am a jerk to everyone in the household.  Yup, I have blown a fuse and honestly, it is all out of love.

At the same time, it is sometimes hard to think I did not even give birth to her or have her when she was an infant, toddler, and such. That this responsibility falls on Robert and I before we may have been ready but we wouldn’t change it for the world. It actually brings tears to my eyes to think in one year she will be graduating. I probably would have cried either way because we have a close connection with her being born when I was only 12. But now, it is like wow our home will be empty. Crazy to get that feeling when we skipped right to having a teenager under our roof! She is a challenging, bright, loving, bratty, moody, beautiful young lady. The list could go on. I will ALWAYS expect so much from her because I believe in her. Hopefully, I am on the right track to parenting our own child.