Bad Day

Today would be considered one of the bad days that I can’t seem to shake. It started last week and it keeps getting darker for me emotionally. Spiraling. My anxiety is through the roof and have even been experiencing panic attacks again. I have had control of my panic attacks for years now and currently I am just out of whack.  Saturday was such an intense one that I almost went to the hospital because dumb me didn’t have my medication and was 45 minutes away! *Shaking my head* This is one of the darker days where I feel withdrawn and want to give up on anything that I want for myself. Hide in my room and watch sappy movies. So, here I am writing to you all. I know it has helped me through the last couple months so hoping today it helps relieve some of my stress and depression.

I have been zooming around the internet looking for outside of the box ways that are supposed to help with infertility along with insomnia. I am finding that having anxiety alone can cause both of these issues. I have been messing around with herbal teas because a friend recommended them and I do like the outcome.  These mood swings and headaches can come from my clomid. But, there is no way I am not going to take it. It is a rollercoaster ride these past days. One of those times I feel extra sorry for my husband (haha). He doesn’t seem to mind completely but more feels helpless that he can’t seem to help me. When I snap at people, most of the time it honestly has nothing to do with them. It is just me at a weak point.

There have been more and more pregnancy announcements so I am wondering if that is causing me to withdraw. I am not quite as angry, just lonely with what I am feeling and not having someone I personally know who understands. I am happy for the ones that are blessed with their new announcements but of course envious. I don’t want someone to feel scared to tell me they are pregnant. I feel like a Pandora’s box of emotion! If it isn’t dealing with our personal obstacles, it is dealing with something else. This is one of those posts that are all over the place but getting it off my chest, maybe, just maybe I can start to come out of this sink hole!