Surrogacy

I had said this would be my next entry and to be honest I usually never write at home. But it just feels right. It was some thing I touched on briefly in the beginning of writing. I had said it was something that was not an option for many reasons. Reasons such as I was feeling like how could I handle Rob touching another woman’s belly? Not my belly when our child moved and kicked. Not having the connection with me that our child was growing inside of me? How could I even consider that!? Jealousy on a way different level of your significant other checking someone out and such. This was forming a bond with someone that could give him something I possibly could not. Then, the whole trusting another person to carry your baby for 9 months or so. Can you trust they are making the correct choices? Are they using drugs or alcohol? Will they continue to understand that this baby is not theirs to keep? Will they become annoyed that we may overwhelm them with questions or emotions?

With that being said, over 2.5 years in, those questions will always be there but I am realizing that if this an option, I think I could now handle it. I think Robert could now be willing to make this choice as well. I had a friend bring it up to me and I had a way different reaction to this then I would have two years ago. Now, I am a lot more open minded. I just have no idea how to go about it now. It can all be so overwhelming because it comes down to how badly do we want a child? Of course, easy answer. We do. But it almost is that feeling time is running out. The what ifs, the choices, and the judgement of what choice we do make. Judgement won’t be what distracts us, that is for sure. I do not have a friend or relative that would carry a baby for us which makes it a harder conversation. Trusting a stranger. It is a never ending battle of questions and stress. I just know that over time it has become more of a discussion as well. In a positive way. Being open minded and accepting, we have realized, is the way to go.