The Emotional Struggles are Real

Ok. SO I might be freaking out on and off since our doctor’s appointment. LOL I just am having all these emotions about what if and more. I keep thinking if this works how will I react beings it has been SO long. I have to admit, I am scared. I am scared that it may not work and we are at the end of trying to conceive our own baby. I am scared that I will become pregnant and not know how to do it. 

There are so many fears flying through me at this very moment. I am mostly scared that it won’t work though. I have had some break downs with tears of anxiety and excitement. But then I try to calm myself down because if it has been this long what makes me think that it is going to work now? I am trying to keep my hope at a realistic level if that makes sense. I feel like I have nobody that understands right now what I am going through that I can just talk to freely and have someone relate. I can’t handle the “it will happen when it happens” or the “quit trying and it will happen” because if that were the case, it would not be over 2.5 years. I want to share my fears.

 I know I have friends that are available and do not want those friends to think I can’t talk to them. It is just difficult. There are friends and acquaintances that have been down the road of infertility with positive outcomes which should give me hope. I am unfortunately isolating myself with this. So, I write.

 In a few weeks the IUI will take place and who knows, a month from now I could get a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it has consumed a lot of my thoughts lately. I will be posting updates about the process and of course, the results. Rather a positive or negative result.