A Word About National Infertility Awareness Week

With this week being the National Infertility Awareness Week I thought I would post. It is going to be short and sweet because you all know my story, and if you don’t, you can back track on the blog J. We found out we are having a little girl and we couldn’t be more excited. Finally, a gender instead of “the baby.” No matter if I have bad days or scary days, I love being pregnant. I want to take a moment to appreciate the fact that I am pregnant and half way through. To thank everyone who has been supportive and to the University of Iowa for their amazing care. We would not be where we are today without the staff and Reproductive Endocrinology department. They truly care about the outcome as well as so informative and honest. To all my family and friends who have been along for the ride, thank you. We also could not have done it without you. 

To those suffering and dealing with infertility, please don’t give up. I personally know that is easier said than done. I promise you, that in the end, no matter the result, you will find happiness. It can take years of course. To be honest, we were starting to accept our fate of not experiencing pregnancy. What else can you do? Please don’t hesitate to talk about your situation. There are so many that deal with this and keep quiet. This is not something you should be ashamed of or keep bottled up. Speak out! Seek support! Don’t fight alone. I would never have made it emotionally without many people in my life letting me cry on their shoulder and listening. So, here is to #NIAW. I never wanted to be apart of it but I wouldn't change our path from where we are! 

What Can I Say?

I named this blog the Open Book Struggles of Infertility because I wanted to others not to be scared to talk about what they are going through when it comes to infertility. It is so terrible. I have people around me that still are fighting with infertility but my belief is keep the faith. I lost faith completely. With this IUI, I did not get my hopes up. I thought I had pissed God off and was being punished. Robert didn't believe in that. He ALWAYS believed we would be where we are today. I still believe that infertility should be an open book for others to talk about if they feel comfortable to. I have had SO many questions about the procedure, what is causing our infertility, etc. Putting yourself out there doesn't give you much privacy but I also found a lot of support in doing so.

 I can say this at least, I am still in awe. I have not written in a while because of that exact reason. I am 16 weeks pregnant today and I STILL can't believe it most of the time. I also feel so many emotions with the fact of how long it took to get here and that things can change in an instant. I fear the worst all the time which is exhausting. Anxiety for sure does not help that at all.

All of a sudden, I feel like my baby bump is no longer a fat bump. It is so crazy! Thanks to a friend, I can hear the heartbeat whenever I want. That is a beautiful gift for sure.

I still bleed and it just feels normal anymore. I am guessing with the fact that I have the doppler it definitely eases the mind when the bleeding incidents happen. Doctor still has no reasons behind it but said it obviously isn't a problem because my little baby cru is growing fast!

Robert, of course, is over protective of me. Doesn't want me over doing it and such. I love that he is that way, makes me know he will be even more protective over the baby. We get to find out the gender on April 21st! I  CANT WAIT! I am sure it will go fast. I have to say that my pregnancy has been blessed with mild symptoms. I think the worst would be fatigue. I am always so tired but so many women have it much worse. I love being pregnant for the most part!  I miss my beer ;)

The Journey So Far...Scares & All

As some of you know, this has been a bumpy ride thus far. We have had FIVE ultrasounds as of today and we are just over ten weeks pregnant. I have dealt with some scares with a SCH (Subchorionic Hematoma) that can cause miscarriage. It had started weeks ago and had mostly resolved itself. Then in that same week, my pants were saturated in blood. We ended up in the ER and then at the U the following Monday. Muscatine was not equipped to deal with the situation at hand. We did the ultrasound at the U and my RE doc basically said the truth. He said that we are either going to miscarry or this will resolve. I was at the point of accepting the news and also praying for the better outcome. Nothing scarier than your pants being soaked in bright red blood so hearing this prognosis, I was ready. After the appointment, I promised myself to take it easy and not over do anything to hopefully help my body heal.

Now, skipping forward to today. I hadn't had any gushing since that weekend which was a week and a half ago but doesn't mean I wasn't nervous as hell. I actually finally had an external ultrasound! The Ultrasound Tech asked if I was going for a record of most ultrasounds in only ten weeks. All I could think is, I would trade them for a healthy pregnancy in a heartbeat. Speaking of heartbeats, we heard the heartbeat for the first time today. And omg... Something I will never forget. The baby moving its small little arms and legs along with that strong heartbeat. I am instantly in love. I was very happy my Mother-In-Law was there to experience this as well with us. Along with hearing the heartbeat, NO MORE HEMATOMA! I am hoping it stays that way. The RE doc said that he hopes not to see me again this pregnancy :) I feel so relieved but I am so scared to feel relieved then something happen again. I am guessing that is a normal feeling in pregnancy definitely with all of our issues and infertility. I do feel like now I can start looking to the future and get excited to find out the gender. Decide on names, colors, decorations, baby shower, and diaper party! As always, thank you to all who have kept us in your thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, and all!

Cake..Eat it too..... PUKE

So, the symptoms have finally set in. I couldn't be more thankful but doesn't mean the symptoms are fun! Got your normal constipation, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and oh my favorite, sore nipples/boobs. LOL Anyways, everyone knows how I am with my cooking and food. Well, pregnancy has definitely put a damper on that one! It can be cake, donuts, steak, chili, chinese, pretty much anything and within an hour I feel sick to my stomach which results in either puking or complaining to the husband. ( I bet he doesn't realize what he signed up for! )

Which, to bring him up brings up the whole boobs. There is a blinking red sign that says to my husband, "Touch my boobs, I throat punch you." Poor guy. I constantly blame him for everything from knocking me up to the Xbox controller being dead. (In my defense, he is the majority user of the Xbox downstairs) He keeps LAUGHING at me though! Gosh, I love this guy. Hormones are definitely dangerous for him. He should be careful.

Fat. Oh, do I just appear like I am gaining weight because whatever food I want, I eat and it definitely does not appear that I am pregnant. Give it a few months and hopefully I won't be mistaken for a starving cow anymore. Kind of like my Grandma pointing out (mind you, shes 80 and forgetful), that I need to watch my weight because it appears I have put some on. She doesn't sugarcoat SHIT! I force a smile and tell her well grandma I am pregnant.  Her response..... Doesn't mean you need to gain 40 lbs! *Shaking my head* I think the main thing everyone around me wants to do is just mess with the hormonal, starving, fat, pregnant lady. ;)

The point of this post is to giggle at all that I wished for and then also be thankful for it all. Am I going to complain? Well, I am a woman so that is inevitable. But never mistake my complaining for not being the most thankful I have ever been in my life to have a beating heart in my uterus. I smile most of the day due to the little strawberry sized baby growing inside of me.

Holy Shit Batman!

So, I know my last blog stated that I got a negative pregnancy test. Well, I can tell you that was not a lie. But I did leave out a tiny little detail. January 2^nd – four days after the negative – I took another test because it was two weeks following the IUI. As I was brushing my teeth waiting for the results, all that I thought was there would be another negative and thinking about what my day was going to consist of. I looked down and BAM! It said Yes!! I about screamed. I rinsed my mouth and ran to Robert. He was doing his leg massager and I kept saying babe, look. He turns and looks at the test. His exact response was “You’re Fucking Kidding Me.” LOL No, Babe I am not kidding you.

At this point my head was spinning with disbelief. And I was in shock. Honestly, that shock held on to me for days!! We let our immediate family know the news and they were all so happy for us. 

Well, we were going to wait longer to let the cat out of the bag, but hiding this is harder than I ever imagined. Especially waiting three years for a positive pregnancy test and wanting to shout to the world “I am pregnant!!” I had to do some blood draws because of spotting which did turn out with the results they wanted. We also have had some issues arise that had me asking for prayers. We had a really big scare and was seen at the U right away. I had a significant amount of bleeding and I was terrified. It was the longest drive to the U of my life. But, as I lay there doing the ultrasound, the heartbeat is pointed out. Tears slid down my cheeks with relief. And it was like, yup this is real. I know it is early and anything can happen but here we are, Pregnant. 

Update

I know everyone has been curious to know what has been going on, if I am pregnant, etc.  Well, I am looking to be able to go up to Iowa City for a second time around January 23rd (My prediction). Fingers are crossed, hope is there, and we are trucking on through with all that we are dealing with. I love the overwhelming support and prayers. Don't for once second think they are not appreciated! Any sort of positive vibe is always helpful rather it makes me smile or just hopeful God is listening.

I took a pregnancy test on December 30th, and unfortunately it was negative. I was not ready to share the information or even blog because I was sad. But, the hope is not gone. Per my nurse and specialist, I have been eating different, cut out the drinking (UGH double edge sword), and light exercise and yoga. Anything, big or little, we are complying with. We are hoping for the best outcome this month! Please still keep us in your thoughts/prayers/positive vibes :)

The Procedure Details (PG13)

Alright. Our first PROCEDURE IUI! Ahh! I can't even describe it completely and what I am feeling. Mainly excitement.

It started with a depressing negative after negative ovulation test. if you know anything about cycles, there are "normal" ovulation days. I was on day 18 yesterday when I got the positive which is somewhat later but clomid can have that affect. I ran out of the bathroom and showed Rob. Then I proceeded to yell! Followed by a massive amount of shaking and tears. Of happiness and anxiety. It was that relieving. And the amount of support has just been AMAZING. The ones that reach out have made this so much easier to go through.

On that note, we went to Iowa City this morning. We got there at 8:15a and the first step is getting Robert's boys ready. That is what took the longest. It took them 1 hour 45 mins to have them ready which was nerve racking for me and then ASAP they get me set up in a room and boom!IUI takes places. That simple! They did mention that his boys are above average and that helps the situation. Go Rob! I have to admit the procedure was uncomfortable and I had some pain. But it is worth it in the end if  this is what it takes to have a baby!

The hardest part I believe is going to be waiting for two weeks to see if my period comes or a positive pregnancy test. Tears of joy or tears of sadness. I am going to go with hope. Hope and happiness. Thank you all again for the prayers and positive vibes. Maybe a Christmas Miracle!?